"Quando Omni
Flunkis Moritati." To many who have never seen or heard of "The
Red Green Show" this Latin phrase is meaningless. To its millions of
fans in Canada, the United States and throughout the world, however, the motto
of Possum Lodge meaning "When All Else Fails Play Dead" elicits a
smile and many fond memories of bizzarre handyman projects involving household
appliances, auto parts, stolen construction materials, obscene amounts of duct
tape and the general inept abilities of handyman Red Green.
Red's van, the Possum Van, has become for Canada the icon that "The Dukes
of
Hazzard's" famous orange Dodge Charger was for the American deep south,
only
with none of the speed or glamour. As an American fan of the Red Green
Show, when I began toying with the idea of making a replica of the Possum Van I
had no idea the scale of project it would become, involving more
scratch-building than I'd ever had to accomplish, as well as a journey to
discovering more of the ways of my northern neighbors.
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In well over a
decade of filming, more than one type of Dodge Ram Van has been used, so I
settled on the appearance used in the mid series.
Unfortunately, none of the correct variations are properly represented in model
kit form, so it all started with splicing two kits together to make the
"extended cube" body. Once this was accomplished a similar
treatment was given to the chassis and interior, and the grill/headlight
assembly completely rebuilt and detailed. Front signal lights were made
from toothbrush handle, rearview mirror tripods from piano wire, and the trailer
hitch from scrap white metal and plastic. The headlights were from a
railroad aftermarket company.
The real insanity in the project began with the complete detailing of the
interior, building the walls and structural details of the walls, ceiling and
doors, and then the floor. The point at which I probably should have been
committed came about with the complete scratchbuilding of the tremendous amount
of junk littering the van interior. Some of these are items most vehicles
would typically have, and others are specific to Red
Green's habits. Many of the items (such as the tool box, oil bottles,
cheap car batteries, chainsaw and Motomaster oil filter)were made by studying
photos in the Canadian Tire online catalogue, a nationwide chain which Red has
mentioned shopping at in an episode or two. The "funny money" in
the bag on the passenger seat is in fact coupons which Canadian Tire gives out
with purchases, which can only be redeemed at Canadian Tire stores. The
ice chest is a replica of the one used in the episode entitled "Too Much
Information" when Red converts Possum Van to a snowball-barrage
machine.
A dozen rolls of duct tape were
made from slices of plastic tube. The chainsaw took more than 12 hours to
make. In fact, the only non-scratchbuilt items in the entire van interior
are the spare tire and the extra oil filter.
A special thanks must be given to the Tim Horton coffee company. As an
American I must confess to complete ignorance of the existence of this popular
Canadian coffee and donuts shop chain until it was pointed out by Canadian
ARC'rs that it would be "Tim's cups" which would most likely litter
Red's van interior. I contacted the company by email requesting permission
to purchase one of their disposable cups to reproduce in 1/25 scale using a
color photocopier. To my amazement they sent me the cups at their own
expense via FedEx. I can't speak for their coffee having never sampled it
yet, but if it is anything like their customer service it must be well worth a
trip north of the border to drink.
Special thanks, too, for all the
input by all the Canadian members of ARC, who made this a far more authentic
Canadian-looking project than it would have been under my sole discretion.
Also thanks to the friendly folks at the message board at
www.modelcarkits.com
who helped guide me, an aircraft modelmaker, toward a much more authentic van
replica (this was my first automotive project since the late 1980's if I remember
right).
And so here it is, the Possum Van! And now let us conclude this article by
bowing our heads for The Men's Prayer: "I'm a man, but I can change,
if I have to, I guess."
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Article
updated Nov 2 2016
"In 2010 the Possum Van placed third at IPMS Nationals USA in the "Automotive Scratchbuilt/Conversions" category.
"As fantastic as that was, the Possum Van received its ultimate showing in September 2016 when it was inspected and signed by Red Green himself, Canadian actor and comedian Steve Smith. Despite having just given a solo evening performance and hosted a long line of autograph-seeking fans, he took the time to appreciate the build and even noticed on his own such added details as the scratchbuilt extended-cube. Thank you Red, for the inspiration, the kind words, and of course all the laughs and wit!"
Thanks for all you do as well, Steve! Andrew Desautels
(aka "Andrew D. the Jolly Rogers guy")
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